On Dealing With The Great Aftermath

And this is the world I'm left with? Secluded and constantly, chronically lonely? Where everyone has a +1 and I'm at -100. I'm left to grieve the relationships that have degraded so much and listen to my music as a hermit in this vast expanse. With one good friend, two supportive parents, but none else but them to assuage my sorrows, placing me as role of listener without end. to have all necessities and many luxuries but no ability to enjoy them. to feel like I'm regressing and moving in retrograde to achieve goals that are achieved easily by others. To be at the center of my universe, but not present at all in many peoples' orbits of their own lives. To exist in a mind, of its own place, which makes things not just into a hell or heaven but a reality far removed from that which truly exists. to not knowing what the right thing to do is at any given point in time. nursing the notion that everything is meaningless, truly meaningless, devoid of any true values and lacking in purpose. Not suffering as much as one had been used to, but also not happy? much like he who was condemned to roll a boulder up a hill and watch it fall over and over again. how does one imagine anyone happy? have we not decided on a collective, universal good, a solution to sorrow? all i have are my words. words that don't hold much value, without much merit due to where I am in standing--not only with humanity, but with God. To what do I have to confirm my existence, save my own conscience? and to this untarnished and heroic life, how does one bring it unto the physical plane to be shared with others?